a new day 

a new day

Hey all, I have had a rough couple of days...my emotions have been up and down, I have felt anxious in the pit of my stomach, I have been less than patient and kind with my husband and my son, hell...I have even cursed at my cats....(and of course, being perfect, they deserve FAR better treatment) and you know why I have been so out of sorts? Those who know me well, can probably guess...It's the whole situation with my Dad that is affecting my life. He has been on a drunk for a few weeks now, and is mad at Paul because I sent him up to check on the cat (whom he sometimes forgets to feed if he is out drinking) He said that it is his business and not ours, and Paul said something like "maybe it is the Humane Society's business...." (or something to that effect, but he didn't actually phone) Well now he is offended and is demanding his keys back, phoning 5 or 6 times a day at home, on the cell phone and at my work. He is abusive and obnoxious and I usually just hang up on him. This is the problem....I don't want to give him the keys back because A) he is going to give them to the drunk tramp that he has been keeping company with lately. and B) because in the event of an emergency (fairly likely) I couldn't get in to help him.
I KNOW my not wanting to give the keys back is not going to change anything, it is not going to make him stop drinking, it's not going to prevent that tramp from visiting him....so what I am saying is that I have to let go....give him back the keys and let things happen as they may...'cause I can't live like this anymore. I am really scared to do this, that if I do it and then something bad happens, I will never forgive myself. So today is a day for letting go...I will give him back his keys today, let go, and let things take their course. I cannot control this...
I have found a list of local alanon meetings and one alateen meeting and James and I are going to start going to them.

Peace and serenity to all,

Bou